ThoughtCrafting Friday Tool: Comparison

Comparing yourself to others

It's what we do.  Heck, there is even a phrase that is commonly used...."Keeping up with the Jones's".
That particular phrase is often thought of in a negative context.  It's used as a way of saying that the only reason you are looking to do/buy/build/etc. something is that you want to keep up with someone else that you hold in esteem.  It implies that your goals and objectives are superficial and related to the performance of others.

Not very complimentary.

But on the other hand, how many people do you know that simply don't "give a s*#t"?  It seems like those who don't seem to care..live their life that way and.  It shows.  They are either underachievers, hermits or hoarders...or something similar.  And there are those people who say they don't care, but seem to excel at everything and just seem to always hit it out of the park. Yes, they say that they don't care about how others' do...but I suspect that deep inside they do compare their performance to others, but just don't become obsessed with it, and certainly don't let others know.

Let's face it...most of us are very competitive.  And that can be good....or bad, depending on how we harness that energy.

What's needed is a positive, constructive ...and SANE method of using comparison to keep us motivated.

External versus Internal

Tapping into your competitive comparison can be done in two major ways.  External and Internal.

Typically when we compare ourselves...it's to others' performance. Or what they have. Or what they have achieved.  And we look at what they have that we don't. It's all about ENVY.  We look at what others have and think that we will be happier when we have what they have.  The grass is greener on the other side of the fence.  And we want it. And on the other hand, we could look at what WE have or achieved, and compare it to others' who have less.  And then we could better appreciate what we have and what we have achieved.  But that isn't as common, nor does it seem particularly motivating. Most people really never look at what they have that others don't.  It's usually all about what they have that you don't.  There is nothing like some good old envy to motivate you. This is all External Comparison.

A less commonly use type of comparison is Internal Comparison.  This is a little harder to practice, but perhaps it's healthier for ourselves because it is both motivating and appreciative.  It's when we look at what WE already have.  What WE have already achieved.  Take inventory of what you have and have done, then overlay it with what you still want to  have or achieve. This can have a dramatically greater beneficial outcome than external comparison.  You can celebrate what you have achieved, yet keep a vision for what you still wish to attain. 

In internal comparison I believe that you can create healthy rivalry with yourself. In this setting, comparison is GOOD, not bad.  You can challenge yourself with goals and objectives that are important to you and not just superficial envy with the achievements, or more likely the "stuff" others have.  Properly framing the context of internal comparisons can allow you to use the achievements of others in a positive way.  Consider these two sentences: 

• I want to have a house that is bigger than Franks house.
• I want to achieve the goal of being able to get a larger house...perhaps even bigger than Frank's.

The first sentence seems to be pure envy. You recognize that Frank has a bigger house and you want to show him that your's is bigger and better.  However in the second approach, you still recognize that Frank has a bigger house, but your focus is on YOUR goals and objectives and the comparison to Frank is not one of envy but one of relative scale. In that setting you create a challenge for yourself, and the external comparison is not an envious one, but one to set an objective.  Subtle, but very different.

Wish board

Most of us have things that we want to achieve.  Some external "stuff" (ie. a new car; a boat; new clothes; financial stability etc.) or perhaps more nebulous (i.e. to achieve a certain goal; leadership; recognition by others, etc.). Some can be internal (i.e. calmness; better health, etc.).  Regardless of what it is, these are the things that can motivate us.  Although you have an idea of what you want, it's not often that it's clear and tangible.  That's where a wish board comes in.  Your goal is to take words and pictures that really get you focused on what motivates you, then assemble them into a "wish board".  This could be a bulletin board in  your office, den, bedroom, bathroom.  Or if you prefer to be more discrete...create a small wallet card that you can carry with you.  Regardless of the medium you choose, you want to have it physically (i.e. picture, words, etc., not just thoughts) that you can look at and review on a regular basis. Becuase it will be the same each time, reviewing it will become ingrained into your mind.  Update it when you have changes in your goals, but always have some type of physical presence that will serve as a daily reminder of what YOU are looking to achieve.

Putting it all together

Refocus your own goals and objectives to those which are uniquely yours.  Don't get caught up in envious comparisons to what others' have achieved or have.  Create a physical representation of what is important to you, and what you would like to achieve and then use that reminder to ingrain that into your mind on a daily basis.  And NEVER stop looking to set stretch goals for yourself to keep yourself engaged and motivated.

There is a commercial for insurance car collectors.  One of the quotes that they have is that even when you OWN your dream car...you have ANOTHER dream car in mind.  This is a great way for us to set our own goals and objectives using comparison.  For those who are truly successful and productive, we achieve our dreams and goals, and then reset new ones that will continue to motivate us.

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