ThoughtCrafting Friday Tool: Your Human Mirror

Who are you?

No, this isn't intended to be a flash back to the WHO and Rodger Daltrey asking you "Who are you?  Who? Who? .... Who? Who?"

Rather this is an opportunity...and a challenge to learn more about yourself with this human mirror. It may be illuminating..or frightening.  However, regardless of what you find out, the choice to stay the same...or change, is entirely up to you.  It's important to remember that you can't change to someone else or something else if you don't know what, or who, you are currently.  So let's get going with this week's tool....

Your Human Mirror

There are several steps in this tool and I would like you to take each step in order...for maximal benefit.

Step one:  Download and print out this form.  The Human Mirror Form.

Step two:  Down the left side of the form, List 10 traits that are very important to you.  They can be anything. Quality of relationships.  Family life.  Occupation. Happiness. Perseverance.  Contentment. Income. Health.  Weight.  Risk Taking.  Activity level. Automobile maintenance.  Quality of their children.  Education level.  Wealth. 
As you can see...you can select ANY 10 items that are important to you.  If you can't come up with 10...then do as many as you can...but at least 5 or more for maximal benefit.  

Step three: Come up with a simple rating system for each of these items.  For example using income, you can estimate the annual income.  For education, you can use the years of schooling or perhaps the highest degree achieved.  For relationships it might be "lousy; ok; average; better; great".  You get the idea.  Just create a quick system that is meaningful to YOU.  

Step four:  At the top, list the names of the top 5 people that you know closely, spent time with and who influence your life.  This would be for people that you choose to be with, not necessarily co-workers that you work with on a daily basis, unless you also spend a fair amount of your discretionary time with them, either outside of work..or even inside of work. Kids don't count unless they are adults. 

Step five:  Go through each of the individuals and fill in the blanks that are on the grid.  For each person that you listed on the chart, fill in the "score" for each trait.  Use the scoring system that you created and complete this as honestly as you can.  If it's not particularly complementary to an individual...fill it in anyways.  This won't be shared unless YOU decide to share it.  Otherwise, this is completely confidential.  It's important for you to be as honest as possible.

Step six:  Now the moment of truth.  Put YOUR name in the last name spot at the far right.  Go through step five for yourself, being brutally honest.  

Step seven:  Look at the data and see if there are any patterns...there are probably some striking similarities. Highlight these similarities by writing them at the bottom of the page under "associations".  Others items may very different.  Where were you SIMILAR to your circle of close individuals?  Where were you different? 

But what did you see from this exercise?  I bet that you found that you were far more similar to those other five individuals than you thought you would be.  Are you divorced?  Chances are many of your five are too.  Do many of your five make over $100 K / year?  If so, I bet you do too.  Children?  My guess is that you are similar. Same with owning a house...or being in an apartment.  Or having a nice car..or a pet.  

Next....take some time and write down in the Goals/Objectives box those things that you want to achieve.  Your dreams. Your goals.  What you want in life for yourself...and for your family.  What do you want to be known for?  What would you want to see on your headstone?  Be HONEST with yourself.  Write those things down.

So what's the point?

It's simple.  You are more like the five people you are closest to than different.  Look at that group and it's like you are looking at yourself in a mirror.  You are them.  They are you.

Now the next obvious question is this...Are you alike because you all have close relationships?  Or do you have a close relationship because you are all similar?  The answer is probably ...Yes.  Both of those factors are in play.  You seek out those individuals most like you because it's where you feel most comfortable.  Where life is predictable.  Where there isn't any judgement.  Where you can kick back and just be you...because the other people around you are...just like you. 

So are you happy with yourself?  Are you happy with what you have achieved?  Or is there more that you want from your life?  Most importantly....are you setting yourself to achieve those goals and objectives ?  Or are you setting yourself up for failure and frustration?  Who you "hang" with is far more important that you may realize.  They are likely a major determinant to your success...or failure.  Look at what you have written in the goals box. Are there items that seem too removed from your reality?  Too far fetched to be realistic?  Perhaps they are not, if you put yourself in the right situation with the right people.

Would it be easier to be a successful entrepreneur by being around already successful entrepreneurs?  Or would it be better for you to be close with people who believe that working for someone else and collecting a paycheck without any responsibilities is what they want?  Can you really be motivated to maintain a long strong marriage if you hang out with couples that have all been previously divorced?  (Please note that there is NO judgement to any of these comparisons).  Do dog people typically hang with cat people?  Or other dog people?  Classical music lovers with rap aficionados?  Will your attitude be positive if you are always hanging out with "negative" people?  Will successful people choose to hang out with people who seem to be "losers" in life?  In some cases yes, for you can't be too narrow-minded, but the fact is that the people around you strongly influence how you think..and you influence how they think.

Befriend who you want to become like

The answers to this are pretty obvious.  You NEED to be with people who already are what you want to become.  You can't turn your car to the right successfully if you are looking out of left window. 

Last step:  In the goals and objectives section you listed your goals and objectives that DON'T match those of your closest friends.  Now in the last section it's time to list WHO are the people that will best support your goals and ambitions.  WHERE will you find them? HOW will you get to know them?  Some may be people you already know.  Many will likely be people you will need to seek out and meet in the future. But If you are serious about meeting your objectives and goals...this is one of the best ways of achieving them.

Seek out those individuals that have the traits, skills, interests, experience, history and mindset that supports what you look to become.  Become their acquaintance.  Become their friend.  Become part of that inner circle.  

Become ONE of them. 

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